Using a metal ring is incredibly dangerous and I highly suggest you stop. Cock rings are made to be stretchy so that they can be removed easily. If you become too erect and the metal ring can’t be taken off, you risk cutting off blood flow and severely injuring yourself. Real cock rings can be found as cheap at $3, please invest in one of those. — Respectable Tumblr Sex Advice Blog

There is nothing incredibly dangerous about rigid rings, nor are “real” cockrings made of stretchy materials. If that were the case, chastity devices and such would be putting people into hospitals on a regular basis, and they aren’t. ((Of course there are some legitimate cases of people making Bad Decisions With Their Penis Accessories, but they are far from the norm)) There are, however, a few things you want to be aware of when using a rigid cockring:

SIZE— You don’t want to size too far down, if at all, from the natural snug measurement of your anatomy. How do you know the right size?

1. Use a piece of string, narrow ribbon, or shoelace (my favorite) and bring it up behind your nuts ((testicles, testicular implants, plump labia majora, saline-infused tissue, or whatever other part of your body you deem to be your nuts in this situation)) up around the base of your dick, where it meets your body. Pull this comfortably snug but NOT tight. Mark your shoelace on both sides where it overlaps.
2. Measure the distance between the two marks. This will give you the circumference of your cock-n-balls ((Which is where your ring should rest. But you knew that right?)). For some brands, this is all you need. But for most brands, who size based on diameter, there’s one more step.
3. Divide your circumference by π (aka 3.14) to get your diameter.

MATERIALS— It’s true that with cheap metals, which may contain things like zinc, people can develop or have allergies. Most decent metal cockrings are made from surgical stainless steel, niobium, tungsten, or in some cases gold or titanium. These are the same materials used for body piercings, and are totally safe. Generally if you have a metal allergy you probably already know about it from mishaps with necklaces or mood rings won in vending machines.

PROPER USAGE— It is also correct that you shouldn’t wear a cockring that provides constriction of bloodflow (which not all cockrings do- some are more designed for perineum stimulation, while others are often sized with no constriction and are worn for aesthetic reasons) for too long. Typically 20-30 minutes of active constriction if the whole package is involved, an hour or so if just the shaft. If you experience discomfort or a loss of sensation while using ANY ring, rigid or stretchy, remove it.

Yes- rigid rings are harder to remove while erect. The key is to relax and go gently. If you stress, your blood pressure goes up, and the erection says firmer. Lube can help. Sometimes you can work your balls out of the ring during an erection, depending on the anatomy you’re working with, sometimes you can’t. Applying a cool cloth can help to return things to their flaccid state and make removal easier. If you absolutely cannot remove ANY form of cockring, you can head to your local ER. They’ve seen it all before (trust me- people have livetweeted the removal of all manner of foreign objects lost in rectums), and can help remove the ring.

The following are some favourite cockrings which have passed the Good Idea Meter test amongst my friends, colleagues, and myself:

• Velv’Or J’Naja is great for those looking for a comfortable rigid ring that provides a bit of perineal stimulation. After gifting one to a friend I received the most romantic text ever: “I am wearing the J’Naja and the pressure against my perineum makes me think of you~” Apparently it also meant shopping at Costco got extra interesting, and having sex with watermelons was more-than-briefly considered.
• Nob Essence’s Rendezvous ring is beautiful wood for your, well…
• basic sets like these Chrome Rings are great for testing out sizes before investing in something fancy (and can double as o-rings in a strap-on harness)
• Mr. S Leather has a glorious selection of all things cockring and it’s pretty hard to go wrong with any of them. Bonus “How to put on (and remove) a Metal Cockring” video on their classic Anodized Aluminum Ring page.
• Body jewellery, particularly the “captive ball ring” style, or even sized finger-rings can be great for those of us working with bodies which are more than a few standard deviations away from the majority cockring market. Measuring is pretty much the same, though you’ll want to familiarise yourself with your country’s ring sizing scale.

If you like the look and the idea of a rigid ring, but aren’t quite ready to commit to something which can’t be removed with a pair of safety shears? Tantus makes nice silicone versions of the classic and teardrop style rings, also Laid makes sightly stretchier but quite firm rings and slings, any of which would make a great alternative to a metal ring.

Used properly, rigid cockrings won’t send you to the hospital or make your dick fall off. Just make sure your materials are sound and you’re choosing the right one for your body. Just like any other sex utensil your first foray isn’t the place to get overly ambitious. And remember, if it can get a boner you can put a ring on it and it’ll probably feel pretty good.

The Packer Gear harnesses ((I have the boxer-briefs, but I can’t imagine the standard briefs being dramatically different)) are everything I wanted out of the rodeoH and didn’t get. They’re an awesome alternative to SpareParts Tomboi and in some cases, actually better. Yes- Packer Gear is made by CalEx. I’m as surprised as you are. I still don’t like CalEx as a company but of the “big four” major sex utensil companies they’re far from the worst. I give them some modicum of credit for recognising at least part ((now let’s see if we can get trans women to be included too eh?)) of the transgender community by starting to make packing products which are surprisingly good and affordable.

I have the boxer-brief style which is really a bit more of a trunk cut on me, but I appreciate that. True boxer-briefs can come down a little far on my thighs which can bunch up inside my 501’s (which, let’s be honest- if I’m packing I want that shit to get noticed). Despite being unable to find a size chart anywhere online [UPDATE! SheVibe now has waist size-range measurements available on their site], and the sizing options being XS/S, M/L, or L/XL, they fit fantastically. I got the L/XL and they fit me just right. For reference I wear an XL in my Vagina Dentata American Apparel Hot Shorts, a Large in Jockey Cotton Stretch Low-Rise, and I’m a solid size 16 in Lucky Jeans. I’d say someone a size larger than I am would still be quite comfortable in these, two sizes up might be a little snug depending on where you carry your weight. 95% cotton/5% spandex and a nice wide waistband means these are comfy enough to wear all day, and not just on days when you’re in a pinch because you forgot to do laundry.

There’s a bit of a lovechild of rodeoH and SpareParts Tomboi thing going on with these, and I like it. Inside you’ll find a vertical flap system akin to SpareParts designs. The vibe pockets are a little weird but also smart- there’s a horizontal one on the inside flap near the top (placed above where the base of a cock would be), and there’s a vertical one in the middle of the top flap. I thought this was strange until I realised that this put one bullet squarely on a potential fuckee’s clit and one squarely wedged into fucker’s junk pressing against the base of your cock. It works surprisingly well to add pressure bio-feedback with thrusting on top of vibration. Someone actually thought about this really intelligently! Slightly less well thought out is the placement of the packer-nutsack-securing-strap. This is located on the inside of the innermost flap, which is great for being able to keep your whole packer inside your underpants, but won’t work with STP style packers. In contrast SpareParts’ Tomboi puts this feature directly below the o-ring, which means your cock is dangling outside your underpants when packing- it’s a little odd. Win some you lose some I suppose.

The o-ring on Packer Gear harnesses is firm, firmer still than that on rodeoH. It also looks smaller when I compare them side-by-side. Surprisingly though it held up to and accommodated a much wider variety of sex utensils than rodeoH ever did for me. Headier cocks like Shilo and Woody/Mustang were a little tricky to get back out, but worked just fine. Silk Large, Leo, and Curve all worked beautifully. You’re definitely not going to get Maverick or Randy in here though, which I can wrangle into SpareParts ((with the help of the plastic baggie trick)). The stitching has held up through my game of Will It Fit?, something which rodoeH failed on the first round. The stitching on these all-around is really well done, and even has enough give around the thighs where some underpants get that weird thing where the thread is tighter than the fabric.

So about that “better than SpareParts in some cases” statement. I love my SpareParts harnesses, and I have nearly all their designs (I don’t have Bella, and while I own Sasha it’s been missing for over a year. This is what you get when you lend out sex utensils without making a card-catalogue checkout system first). The problem I have with most versions of Tomboi is that they’re made out of that swimsuit fabric which is really great for the standard harness styles but when worn as underwear and you sit for any period of time? They make you get a bit swampy. The exception to this is that they make a micro-modal version that is REALLY HARD TO FIND but is my favourite of the underpants harnesses. The fact that Packer Gear is 95% cotton means no swamp-crotch no matter how long I wear them or how many vinyl diner booths I sit in, and for me that’s kinda a deal breaker.

I’m really stoked that these exist. Being CalEx also means a higher likelihood of these being available in areas where there aren’t any so-called “progressive” sex shops ((yes, I’m putting that in quotes. I have some Opinions about how progressive places actually are when “gender expression” seems to completely forget about the feminine side of the trans spectrum, where gay male sexuality seems an afterthought, and where men (with the exception of trans men) feel generally unwelcome.)). For those of you who live in the breadbasket states or rural areas that only have big chain sex shops or strip-club annexes, there’s a decent chance you’ll be able to find these there. Given how difficult life as a person with A Case Of The Genders can be, in this case it’s almost a blessing that these are made by one of the big sex corps.

I’ve long struggled to have a good answer to someone who wanted a harness that didn’t trigger their dysphoria, that wasn’t marketed towards “lesbians”, and that wouldn’t break the bank. rodeoH seemed so promising and I know some people love them but I’ve had zero success with them. SpareParts are great but they’re not cheap. Making your own is an option, but not everyone is handy like that.

So now there’s an answer, and that answer is: Packer Gear.

Thanks SheVibe for carrying these and providing me with a pair. 

I’ll admit that this was another of those review requests borne of a challenge- after experiencing an asshook with a large ball I wanted something more fuckable. Something that was girthy and frictionless the whole way down, something that would approximate the sensation of the hook but with more versatility. So I managed to work out a deal to snag one.

This wasn’t my first hands-on visit with an Eleven. In my previous role as a Dildo Ranch Wrangler I regularly showcased the Eleven in all its weighty, mirror-like glory- carefully placing a velvet cushion on the counter and advising “two hands, please”. Everyone ooohed and ahhhed over it, but selling an Eleven was a rare occurrence. It’s intimidating in and of itself, and then there’s the pricetag; ranging from $299 – $310 online ((I’ve seen it for even more in some brick-and-mortar stores)), and rarely on sale, this is not a impulse buy by any stretch of the imagination. This was my first opportunity to really get to know the Eleven internally, and boy-howdy am I glad I did.

The first rule of stainless steel sex utensils is: warm them up first, especially if it’s wintertime. It’s easy enough to do with a container of warm water or, if you’re me, wedging it under you while lounging on the couch. I take that back. The real first rule of stainless steel sex utensils is: resign yourself now to fingerprints and smudges. Just make your peace with it now, particularly if you’re the fastidious type. I spent far too long carefully buffing the Eleven and it’s siblings in display cases feeling a bit like Lady Macbeth. So the second rule of stainless steel sex utensils is to warm them up. Yes, you can chill them down too if you really want to (I haven’t and have absolutely zero intention of ever doing so). Do this in the refrigerator or cold water though- NOT IN THE FREEZER. Everyone remember the flagpole scene from A Christmas Story or “the wall” in Muppets Most Wanted? Yeah- don’t do that to your junk. You won’t be happy. Lastly- you’ll want some lube to go with this. Forget the “use lube if you have to” trope most folks trot out. USE LUBE.

Given my dislike of the Pure Wand, and being the anti-size-queen that I am, it’s no surprise that the first response when telling a friend how much I enjoy the Eleven was “Wait, which hole? I thought it was way too big for you!” For a long time, so did I. Even more surprising was that, despite my intentions for the Eleven, I was using it in my cunt. I’ve discovered that pretty much across the board if I don’t like a size/texture in silicone or skin that I need to try it in glass or steel. The lack of friction makes things so much easier, and takes a lot less lube. It’s still tricky to get in, and the larger end is an absolute no-go (sad, because using it that way has built-in grippy bits), but once I can work the small end in? G-ddamn.

Whereas the Stronic shocked me by making me squirt for really the first time ever, Eleven made this happen with scientific precision. This thing causes actual porno-style jets of ejaculate for me to the point that I overshot my Throe ((I really need one of the new king-size Throes)) THREE TIMES in as many days. Eleven can take me from completely unaroused and not sex-minded to laying in a puddle of my own fluids in less than five minutes. Five glorious and arduous minutes of alternately leveraging and thrusting- which is hard not because of the weight, but because it becomes completely drenched so fast that I can’t hold onto it anymore. I found that putting a couple stretchy cockrings on the “handle” end to make it grippier made it easier to thrust with, though I find myself using a more lever-like motion most of the time. In this case the weight works in my favour, allowing gravity to do a lot of the work as I just move the exterior portion gently up and down.

Sadly I don’t love this anally, at least not by myself. I really wanted to, but as I’ve found with most of Njoy’s anal plugs, that slight point which makes insertion easier? I feel it. They sit in my body in just such a way that accentuates the feeling of that point until suddenly it feels gigantic and stabby. I don’t have this issue with someone else doing the wielding but that’s a whole world of communication that I’m typically incapable of with large objects up my ass. What can I say? Having someone else wield the Eleven is an exercise in trust no matter who you are or what hole you’re using. Go slow, then slow down a little more from there. Accidentally hitting the wrong angle or jabbing a cervix with nearly 3lbs of stainless steel is quite a strong sensation.

I’d like to note that there are knockoffs on the Eleven, so do be aware. If you see a deal on one of these that seems too good to be true? It probably is. While prowling the depths of Amazon is tempting for such a huge purchase, I strongly recommend against it. If ever there was a time to make sure you go through known awesome safety-aware sex shoppes, this is it. I’ve seen knockoffs that tarnished in display cases, that marked permanently from skin oils left on their surfaces, and which had mystery metals lurking below the surface upon further investigation. Njoy works only in 316 Stainless Steel, the same grade as is used for surgical instruments.

Njoy Eleven: it’s big, it’s shiny, it’s heavy, and yes- it’s expensive. But for me? It’s worth it. While I did get mine through special arrangements so that I could review it, I actually WOULD save up to buy one outright now that I know how much I love it. If you know someone who has one, I strongly recommend asking to borrow it ((Being that it’s stainless steel it’s fully disinfect-able and sterilisable so sharing shouldn’t pose any health risks)) first. As someone who has always been in seriously low economic brackets, I feel a bit guilty that my two favourite things to put in my cunt are both top-shelf dildos- but my body likes what it likes. At least the Eleven will last you a lifetime and then some. Plus, it can double as a home-defence tool. I can see the headlines now: “Blogger defends home with dildo”.

Huge thanks to SheVibe for helping me get the dildo of my (literal) dreams. Grab one for yourself from them for $299, which also qualifies you for free shipping!

The Anthro Dragon has a few features which I found particularly attractive- most notably that it’s one of the few toys I’ve seen that not only has a foreskin, but has a foreskin that is not fully retracted. I like this. Not that I have anything against circumcised cocks, one of my favourite penises of all time happens to be circumcised, I just have an appreciation for toys which offer up a bit of variety. I also liked how the base design provided a nice flat plane to blend up against the body, but that the balls still had some dimensionality to them. Not huge dangly balls, but not weird partial balls either. Nice balls ((For reasons I cannot explain, I can’t read “nice balls” and have it not be in the voice of Worf a la “Good tea. Nice house”)).

Anthro Dragon is also probably the best introductory toy to anthro toys, for someone who is curious but not sure they’re ready to go full-on animal lifecast or fantasy gryffin dick. It’s firmly in the more humanoid realm, with a slight bit of anthropromorphication by way of shallow horizontal ribbing, which makes me think a bit of the tummy of the dragon in Pete’s Dragon.

I got my Anthro Dragon in Bad Dragon’s #3 or “soft” silicone. Side by side with my VIP Supersoft, the Anthro Dragon is just slightly squishier. Not by much though. Unfortunately, the soft silicone is still too firm to really work for an everyday wear packer. It definitely gives you the look of a poorly concealed erection. Not quite trouser snake, since I got the small size this time ’round, but still a bit of a chub. For a pack-n-play at a sex-positive event or play party though? This might work.

As a non-packing dildo though? I really rather like it. It’s a demure cock, with about 6″ of usable length if you really bottom-out on it, and just over 1.5″ diameter through the shaft (Bad Dragon says 1.75″ but my measure has it lesser, which I’m rather OK with really). The swell of the head gives me a bit of a stretch on insertion/removal, and creates a gliding sensation of fullness with thrusting. It’s a great toy for a laid-back jerk-off session where I don’t wanna assault my cunt. Kinda like the difference between “making love” and “fucking” or “banging”. My cunt can’t quite take the size or vigor my ass tends to enjoy, at least not with toys.

The texture on this is so subtle that you don’t really notice it at all, at least I don’t. It really does feel very similar to my Tantus Supersoft VIP, and that’s not a bad thing. When I want the sensation of something in my cunt and nothing to distract from the feeling of thrusting? I reach for the VIP. Anthro Dragon is easier to grip though, with a more substantial base and those nice balls.

Antrho Dragon is also one of the few Bad Dragon toys that will be easily harness-able. Where a lot of their toys have very large bulky bases, or long un-flanged bases, this one is almost ideal for those who want a harness toy with balls. Even the largest size should still clock in at a shaft diameter which can be accommodated by most harnesses.

Overall, I’m rather pleased with my Anthro Dragon, even if it doesn’t bring my anthro-packer tentabulge dreams to life. I enjoy it’s modest size and demure texture more than I initially expected I would. It’s the lazy-river of dildos.

This, ladies and gentlemen, is what arrived. Medium. I’ll just let that sink in for a moment…

One of the really cool things about Bad Dragon is how customisable their products are- you can get practically any colourway you want, though fancy custom colours do come at a premium. I opted for glow-in-the-dark because… well, just because. I asked for a black highlight, hoping to get something akin to one I’d seen on the forums. The highlight (or would it be a lowlight in this case?) on mine is less pronounced, and hard to capture in photographs, but it’s there and it’s rather pretty. They’re not kidding around with their glow-in-the-dark silicone either. This thing GLOWS. I thought that the Cosmic Bear lube was bright, but this- this I could see glowing even on a bright sunny day when I set it’s box in the footwell of the passenger seat in my car!

The other manner in which Bad Dragon toys can be tailor-made which is of interest to me is that they offer four different shore strengths (what is often slightly inaccurately referred to as “densities”) on their silicone: #1 “extra soft” or “female firmness”, #3 “soft”, #5 “medium” or “normal”, and #8 “firm”. I seem to recall from days of yore that they may have offered more in the early days, which might explain the weird number system. I’m not 100% sure on that one. You can order samples of their silicones if you’re not sure what firmness you want for your toy, and they are known to include one of random selection as gratis in with shipments. I requested all three (they don’t seem to offer their #1 firmness even in samples, which is unfortunate), and here’s my assessment of where Bad Dragon silicone falls amongst other silicones you may be familiar with:

• Tantus standard
• Tantus O2 (overall)
• Bad Dragon #8
• Vixen standard silicone
• Tantus supersoft silicone
• Bad Dragon #5
• Vixen VixSkin (overall)
• Bad Dragon #3
• Vixen VixSkin (exterior only)

Some toys are available in what they call a “split”, where the shaft and the base of the toy are two different firmnesses. While they do not advertise doing toys with a firmer core and softer exterior, it is something you can custom request, though not all toys work with this. I did request that mine be cored, and I now understand why it’s not something they normally do. You really can’t tell that the toy is two different firmnesses. I even emailed them after I got my toy, to make sure that it had indeed been made to the specs I’d requested. With how soft their silicones are across the board, even a cored toy is pretty flexible. Not at all the range of difference that you find in things like Tantus’ O2 line or Vixen’s VixSkin.

The low shore strength of the Bad Dragon silicone combined with the design of the toy make Crackers less useful that I’d been hoping. Something I’ve noticed with a lot of Bad Dragon designs is that they seem very much created with the “apply self to toy” method of use rather than the “apply toy to self” method. Very large, weighty bases (often with suction cup features ((The Bad Dragon suction cups are seriously strong, don’t be fooled. I accidentally pulled the entire top piece of glass off a retail display case with mine, when showing it off to some friends. These things are doozies.))) which are impossible to harness and incredibly difficult to grip for solo-use. I’m not one to park my toys on a surface to use them- I like to lie back and stuff things into me that way. Unfortunately for me, the combination of the oversized Bad Dragon base and the taper near the end of the shaft on Crackers makes getting it into me cumbersome and tricky. Feels a little bit like trying to have anal sex with a semi-flaccid penis- you try to get it in but it just skitters away from the target.

I do find that using a condom over Crackers helps a bit once I manage to wrangle it in, reduces the friction I get from the 3D printing texture which Bad Dragon toys have these days ((I’m under the impression that older models didn’t have these, from the days before they started using this technology, and it seems some current models are being re-worked to smooth this out.)) which makes thrusting attempts less of a chore. Still, it’s tricky. I do like the sensation, and it’s definitely the step up from the Randy that I’d picked it out to be, I just seem doomed to have a hard time getting both the size and manoeuvrability I desire in an anal toy. Once it’s in the sensation of fullness is great, and the insertion process has just the right amount of pushing-the-envelope stretch, I just really wish it had an even more solid core so that I could thrust with it. As it stands though, with the firmest that Bad Dragon offers as the core, it’s just too weak at the bottom of the shaft to really do that. Pity.

No- I haven’t tried this one vaginally, and I’m not about to do so any time soon. That is one place where I can still hold to my “I’m not a size queen!” statement. Crackers is destined to be an anal toy only for me, and likely one that requires a second individual to be able to get a good angle of entry for effective use. I do plan on trying more Bad Dragon toys, in fact I already have one more on-deck right now. I certainly think that they have promise, and if they were to ever start making their phallic toys in an extra- (or even extra extra-) soft texture I think there’s a market for fantasy packers out there. For the time being, I’ve got Crackers acting as a runway beacon so that I don’t walk into things in my living-room on the way to the toilet in the middle of the night. I knew there was a good reason I got glow-in-the-dark!

Oh, and yes- those are itty bitty versions of Bad Dragon toys, on my car dashboard, in the cover photo up there. The one on the far left though has a new home though, as a piece of garden art. Because my friends are awesome.

“I am NOT a size-queen. That is just not gonna happen.”

“I think you’re mistaken, I’m not the TARDIS in the family!”

If you had asked me a year, or even three months ago, if I would ever be putting Vixen’s Randy inside me, those are the responses you would have gotten. Large toys and I have never really gotten along, they usually get handed off immediately to my Little Brother for him and his Papa to review.

It all started innocently enough, with the date that led up to my Crystal Delights plug review. And then, well, as those of us in D/s dynamics are likely to do, I was an obstinate little brat via text message. Corona beer bottles were suggested, and retorts from me were made on how bottles don’t go in butts. Whomever thought it was a good idea to give me text messaging and allow me access to it within the first oh, say, 72 hours after a date? I love and hate that person right now.

Having used my large Crystal Delights plug with relative ease, followed by the best buttsex of my life, I’d started to get curious. I grabbed the largest dildo I have could find ((Once again, my Tantus Cush has disappeared. Further perpetuating the bizarre behaviour of that particular toy)), my VixSkin Maverick, and proceeded to slide it in a little too easily. Maverick is a dildo that I have previously had mixed feelings about, despite the fact that friends and the general public regard it squarely as a top-five dildos contender. Nonetheless, in it went without really any trouble at all. This meant that I needed to find something bigger, and soon, as I had gotten myself into a right bit of (fun) trouble what with that post-date texting… My butt had also become a ravenous monster.

Randy was the obvious choice. I debated between the VixSkin, their delightfully plush (and eerily realistic when in flesh-tone) dual-density silicone, or Vixen’s classic silicone, and decided that I’d hedge my bets with the squishier VixSkin material. I’m pretty sure that’s why I was able to get Maverick in my ass, and I’m all too familiar with the “my eyes were bigger than their asshole” phenomena. Upon arrival I spent a day or two gazing at it with a wary eye. I may or may not have slept clutching it one night. I wondered just what it was I had gotten myself into. I got a towel, my current go-to vibe, the trusty jar of buttlube ((An oil-based cream lube is a must for me in these situations)), and queued up some porn on the ol’ laptop. The time had come to put my dildo were my butt was.

Randy is a formidable challenge. Measuring in at just shy of 6″ in length, and a rather girthy 2¼” at it’s thickest, Randy toes the line between mainstream dildo and specialty insertable. Sure, ¼” doesn’t seem like much, but the difference between Maverick’s 2″ and Randy’s 2¼” certainly is noticeable, especially when DOUSes ((Dildos Of Unusual Size)) are new territory.

Where Maverick failed was the length- my body wasn’t ready for that much girth and length at once. This is where Randy shines. That little bit of extra girth was just what I needed for a pleasing stretching sensation. Not enough extra to cause pain, but enough for my body to say “oh hey that’s a thing” and actually take some consideration and create some awareness. Fullness. Stretch. Not too deep, even when up to the hilt. Randy is all the right dimensions in all the right places. Except that stoutness which makes it so wonderful to my butt is what makes it such an annoyance to use.

For the first time in my life, I contemplated actually using the suction cup base of a toy to facilitate fucking. Usually I just use them to help me if I have to move a large piece of glass, or to amuse myself in hotel rooms. But no, that short stature makes finding a way to grip Randy during insertion and use, at least anally, difficult. If this had a handle like some of the new Tantus toys it’d be genius. As it stands, I end up doing a strange combination of “normal” insertion followed by kicking Randy’s base with the heel of my foot to tap those final few centimetres into me. There’s no getting any thrusting from this, at least not solo, which made me rather sad. Continuing to kick and push at the base with my heel gave some nice sensations though, as did resting a powerful vibe against it. I longed for a second set of hands to really get some good thrusting action going though, especially as my body acclimated to the size.

I must say, I’m surprised by how easily my body took to accepting Randy anally. While it wasn’t as fast as I took Maverick, it was still only one short jerk-off session to conquer what I’d feared would be an arduous quest. For reference, prior to the date which started it all, I’d not had anal sex in nearly a year, and the largest plug I’d used was 1″ in diameter. I’m pretty sure that my butt is a champ amongst butts when it comes to acclimation and probably wouldn’t suggest diving into large toys quite as quickly as I did. I had an inkling from how my body reacted with Daddy that this would be fine, and I’m fairly in-tune with my body. Randy has become my go-to anal dildo now, despite the awkward insertion/thrusting situation. The fullness it gives is absolutely wondrous, and has me wondering where to go from here. Other than adding a handle, the only thing that would make the VixSkin Randy better would be making it in fun colours. Would round-out my ecto-cock collection!

Thanks to the fine folk at SheVibe.com for sending Randy to me. I believe the exact quote when I told them of my plight was “Who am I to turn down the opportunity to be a part of a good old fashioned arse challenge?” The SheVibe team are always lots of fun.

Once I got over my shock on the size of the Captain (yes, I’d read the specs on it, but that didn’t mean it really computed in my head until I had it cock-in-hand), I was really astounded by what I saw. The Captain has probably one of the best sculpt jobs I’ve seen on a realistic cock EVER. I really do wonder if this was a life-cast rather than a free sculpt. It’s just so well done. Firstoff- the Captain is asymmetrical. If you were to bisect it right down the length, you would end up with two rather different halves. There’s a pronounced bulge to one side. The veins aren’t mirrored on both sides. The frenulum isn’t straight. The corona isn’t perfectly even. These aren’t casting defects, this is how the Captain was made, and I love it. If more cocks were made like this, I’d probably like realistic toys a hell of a lot better than I do.

The Captain is of GoodVibes’ own manufacture. I’m not sure who is doing the fabrication on these, but I’m sure curious. The texture is wonderful for a single-density silicone. Firm but not rock hard, with a soft velvety texture. The only part that is glossy silicone is the flat end on the base. This is probably the least linty silicone toy I’ve come across to-date, and I’ve really put this one through the wringer when it comes to lint collection (a story for another day, but trust me it’ll get told). I feel like if there were any improvements to be made on the texture here, it’s that I want to see what this would be like in dual-density. Oh gd, just thinking about that makes me wonder if we’re on the verge of the awesomest realistic cocks out there. We just might be. Well, except for one thing…

The size. Yes- I’ve tried the Captain (I think I’d risk being keelhauled if I didn’t). No, it didn’t go very well. At 7 1/2″ long and 1 7/8″ wide, the Captain is really asking a lot of me. I can’t say for sure, since I’ve never actually measured any of the real-life cocks I’ve enjoyed, but this certainly FEELS like way too much of a challenge. My vagina is not a happy camper with this much girth at all with this firm of a material. That’s part of why I want to see this in dual-density, that outer squishy layer does amazing things for being able to stuff large things up inside me. For those who love a big cock, or are fans of toys that give a serious sense of fullness? Definitely check it out.

What did the boys have to say? Well…

Captain, my captain! You would think the boy would start getting nervous whenever we get the call that his Big Sister has ANOTHER huge toy for us to review. Good Vibes’Captain was no exception. This was one of the first giant toys passed our way and you should have seen the way his eyes watered! You might begin to think it hurt him, but if you really know the boy you know that joy is usually what makes him cry. Though some of those tears were from pain, that’s because we like things rough. This toy performed well on all fronts: harness, underwear, between my legs, in my hands, and when left alone with the boy. His only real complaint was the rigidity of this form of silicone. Though it is softer than the Tantus Goliath he bought several years ago (one of the largest silicone life-like dildos on the market in it’s time). Captain is slightly larger: 1/8 inches of girth and 1/4 inch in length, but it’s suppleness made it easier to accommodate and that length really makes the difference when thrusting. I complain often that I lose length when using a harness (and could still really use this girthy of toy with a bit more length) but they are getting closer. The realness of the shape of this cock is remarkable and if large, life-like, veiny, cocks are your thing the Captain can take you to shore.

Huge thanks to Good Vibes for making the Captain, and for letting us come aboard. After time with the Captain, I might just have to give the First Mate a go as well, lest I get forced to walk the plank.

There are a number of things I really like about the Private Silicone Packer. It’s silicone. Let me say that again- it’s silicone. I love this about it. To my knowledge this is only the second packer that is made of silicone that is commercially available without special ordering a custom prosthetic from shoppes geared toward transmasculine individuals. Like I said before, I like things being sterilisable, and silicone is that. Prior to the Private, every packy I’ve had has been made of “cyberskin” or some other form of elastomer material. These materials allow for a nice flaccid-cock squooshy feeling, but are not terribly long-lived and are rather porous, to put it mildly.

The design on the Private Silicone Packer is also rather ingenious, I’ve gotta say. The tabbed design above the shaft on the Private means you don’t need a specially designed packy strap or special packing underwear/harness combo to wear the Private. You can wear it easily with any o-ring harness you like. Now personally I prefer underoos or a packing-specific jockstrap for my soft-packing needs, but if you like to use your harness as a jack-of-all-trades as it were, go for it with the Private.

The sculpt on the Private is also pretty unique. It’s got three-dimensional free-hanging balls. The balls are rather slim, and a on the tear-drop/egg-shaped side of the range of testicle shapes, but they’re not too shabby. They are a centre even-hanging pair of balls, so those of you who prefer to dress to the right or the left might have a bit of difficulty with the Private. The sculpt work on the shaft and head aren’t too shabby here either. I find the shaft a bit veiny for a flaccid penis but other than that it’s decently realistic.

Unfortunately, the sculpt on this and the silicone are also probably the biggest downfall of the Private. The silicone is single density standard sextoy silicone, so it’s rather firm. Too firm, in my opinion. I’d love to see this in the softer silicones used for dual density toys, or possibly made dual density all together. As it stands, it’s far too firm to be a flaccid cock, and ends up creating more than just the realistic bulge one generally wants when packing, and crosses the line firmly into erection in your pants land. This wouldn’t be too bad if the curvature of the cock wasn’t so rigidly formed, because then it could become a pack-and-play. Sadly, the materials memory in the curve of the Private is too strong to even hold upright using two hands, let alone trying to do so mid-fuck.

If the Private were made of dual-density silicone, it would be pretty awesome. As it stands, it’s too heavy and too rigid for most soft packing instances. Now, if you’re looking for a packy that’ll give you the look of a hard on in your trousers with the cuckolding effect of being unable to actually fuck anything with your erection? This might just be the packy for you. Overall, I give kudos for the idea, and think it could be a great packy with some tweaks. As it is right now? Not gonna be my go-to soft pack unfortunately.

Huge thanks to SheVibe not only for letting me review this as a precursor to deciding whether or not to carry it, but also for listening to their customers and adding packers and other gender expression resources to their offerings. It is definitely appreciated.

I was recently sent a rather lovely box of cocks by Jenna at Tantus, and after we were done giggling over the packets of Dildo Tree seeds (I really need to plant these, but I don’t want to open the packet!) I sent the boys off with a couple of the toys to get their opinions on. It was no coincidence that I sent them off with the largest of the cocks from the box. I am many things, but a connoisseur of fat cocks is not one of them (yet). So, with that, I bring you our very first guest review! (My own review will follow shortly.) ~ Lorax

Okay, I am officially smitten with this 7-inch cock! But let me back up a bit. When we were first given the Cush for review, I expected it to be lackluster at best to strap-on and take it for a ride. I’ve seen a plethora of “real-feeling” dicks in my day. The size and girth were nothing new, and lord knows the options of pink, blue, and purple were more than a bit stale. Then, I strapped into the Cush for the first time. Now this is the moment my love story begins. I fucked the boy for a good solid two-hours that first night, I frankly didn’t want to stop playing with it. Fitting, for something I expected so little of. The base of the Cush sits so firmly, yet is never noticeable. Since that first run, I have used the Cush in every dildo predicament and it has performed flawlessly. I have used it in my hand, with a strap on, and even just in a pair of boxers. I have fucked in almost every position and in every hole, all outcomes stellar. This is the first cock that just felt natural, I never even think of it as anything other then my cock. I even stayed asleep in the boys ass one night, and slept soundly. My only adjustments would be just one more inch on the length, as strapping-on you lose an inch, and for the love of dicks stop making my color choices reminiscent of easter eggs!

– Papa