“No. No way. No way in hell.”

“I am NOT a size-queen. That is just not gonna happen.”

“I think you’re mistaken, I’m not the TARDIS in the family!”

Still life of Randy, coffee mug, Maverick, and lubeIf you had asked me a year, or even three months ago, if I would ever be putting Vixen’s Randy inside me, those are the responses you would have gotten. Large toys and I have never really gotten along, they usually get handed off immediately to my Little Brother for him and his Papa to review.

It all started innocently enough, with the date that led up to my Crystal Delights plug review. And then, well, as those of us in D/s dynamics are likely to do, I was an obstinate little brat via text message. Corona beer bottles were suggested, and retorts from me were made on how bottles don’t go in butts. Whomever thought it was a good idea to give me text messaging and allow me access to it within the first oh, say, 72 hours after a date? I love and hate that person right now.

Having used my large Crystal Delights plug with relative ease, followed by the best buttsex of my life, I’d started to get curious. I grabbed the largest dildo I have could find[1], my VixSkin Maverick, and proceeded to slide it in a little too easily. Maverick is a dildo that I have previously had mixed feelings about, despite the fact that friends and the general public regard it squarely as a top-five dildos contender. Nonetheless, in it went without really any trouble at all. This meant that I needed to find something bigger, and soon, as I had gotten myself into a right bit of (fun) trouble what with that post-date texting… My butt had also become a ravenous monster.

Randy and Maverick dildos are friendsRandy was the obvious choice. I debated between the VixSkin, their delightfully plush (and eerily realistic when in flesh-tone) dual-density silicone, or Vixen’s classic silicone, and decided that I’d hedge my bets with the squishier VixSkin material. I’m pretty sure that’s why I was able to get Maverick in my ass, and I’m all too familiar with the “my eyes were bigger than their asshole” phenomena. Upon arrival I spent a day or two gazing at it with a wary eye. I may or may not have slept clutching it one night. I wondered just what it was I had gotten myself into. I got a towel, my current go-to vibe, the trusty jar of buttlube[2], and queued up some porn on the ol’ laptop. The time had come to put my dildo were my butt was.

Randy is a formidable challenge. Measuring in at just shy of 6″ in length, and a rather girthy 2¼” at it’s thickest, Randy toes the line between mainstream dildo and specialty insertable. Sure, ¼” doesn’t seem like much, but the difference between Maverick’s 2″ and Randy’s 2¼” certainly is noticeable, especially when DOUSes[3] are new territory.

Where Maverick failed was the length- my body wasn’t ready for that much girth and length at once. This is where Randy shines. That little bit of extra girth was just what I needed for a pleasing stretching sensation. Not enough extra to cause pain, but enough for my body to say “oh hey that’s a thing” and actually take some consideration and create some awareness. Fullness. Stretch. Not too deep, even when up to the hilt. Randy is all the right dimensions in all the right places. Except that stoutness which makes it so wonderful to my butt is what makes it such an annoyance to use.

Showcasing Randy's suction cup baseFor the first time in my life, I contemplated actually using the suction cup base of a toy to facilitate fucking. Usually I just use them to help me if I have to move a large piece of glass, or to amuse myself in hotel rooms. But no, that short stature makes finding a way to grip Randy during insertion and use, at least anally, difficult. If this had a handle like some of the new Tantus toys it’d be genius. As it stands, I end up doing a strange combination of “normal” insertion followed by kicking Randy’s base with the heel of my foot to tap those final few centimetres into me. There’s no getting any thrusting from this, at least not solo, which made me rather sad. Continuing to kick and push at the base with my heel gave some nice sensations though, as did resting a powerful vibe against it. I longed for a second set of hands to really get some good thrusting action going though, especially as my body acclimated to the size.

I must say, I’m surprised by how easily my body took to accepting Randy anally. While it wasn’t as fast as I took Maverick, it was still only one short jerk-off session to conquer what I’d feared would be an arduous quest. For reference, prior to the date which started it all, I’d not had anal sex in nearly a year, and the largest plug I’d used was 1″ in diameter. I’m pretty sure that my butt is a champ amongst butts when it comes to acclimation and probably wouldn’t suggest diving into large toys quite as quickly as I did. I had an inkling from how my body reacted with Daddy that this would be fine, and I’m fairly in-tune with my body. Randy has become my go-to anal dildo now, despite the awkward insertion/thrusting situation. The fullness it gives is absolutely wondrous, and has me wondering where to go from here. Other than adding a handle, the only thing that would make the VixSkin Randy better would be making it in fun colours. Would round-out my ecto-cock collection!

Thanks to the fine folk at SheVibe.com for sending Randy to me. I believe the exact quote when I told them of my plight was “Who am I to turn down the opportunity to be a part of a good old fashioned arse challenge?” The SheVibe team are always lots of fun.

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  1. Once again, my Tantus Cush has disappeared. Further perpetuating the bizarre behaviour of that particular toy []
  2. An oil-based cream lube is a must for me in these situations []
  3. Dildos Of Unusual Size []
  • Lythias

    I know I’m a bit late to the comment party, but I’ve always found an inflatable (vibrating optional) buttplug to be fantastic for that adjustable feeling of fullness.

    • Inflatables are nice, but so far no one is making them from silicone, and latex doesn’t play well with oil-based lube, which I prefer for anal activities.

  • And this is why I love the folks at Vixen and SheVibe. They seriously give me the warm fuzzies. I’m so happy to hear about your bum fun being successful! Definitely makes me want to declare tonight a bum night.

  • Insatiaslut

    I love your comment about not being a TARDIS! You are a champ for conquering this dildo anally! Maybe someday I will get there… for now I will stick with my tiny little plug lol!

  • I had to come back and read this again after the dildo-kicking conversation… I had forgotten about the picture of the Randy and Maverick snuggling…That’s right, I said snuggling. Weird that I find that picture sweet?

  • Andy Ruffledsheets

    It’s great to find someone else that loves to use Randy anally!

    Like you, I never really had any issues with it. When I first started using toys, many years ago, I had no issues with size for a good while. I started off small but could take them all first time with anything up to 2″ wide. You’re right, though. The extra quarter of an inch all round does make a difference and it took a couple of goes for me to be able to take this, after warming up with something slightly smaller.

    I was determined, though! I kept reading Epiphora’s review and lusting after it. Once I finally had it shipped from the USA, I had to make it work! I think that’s the main reason we both don’t have issues with taking big toys anally. We’re both so keen and enjoy it so much that we’re not nervous at all. I think a lot of people struggle because they’re nervous or have some kind of mental blockage with anal penetration. I don’t think that applies to us.

    But anyway, now it’s my go to dildo as well, and I don’t have any issues with thrusting. Have you tried squatting down and reaching through your legs (or behind, both ways work)? I find that’s the easiest position. I then lean to one side, usually my right, and with that hand grab the base and thrust in and out. It’s the easiest position for me with all thrusting anal toys. Worth a try, anyway.

    Thanks again for an awesome review! I must get around to writing about mine!

  • You are a beast. And the image of you kicking Randy into your ass will never get old.

    • Finally, a thing worthy of getting a Vine account?