Crista Anne of PinkSexGeek[dot]com recently posted her thoughts on being labeled as “kinky”. Reading her post I realized that I had never really put much thought into my own personal definition of what it is to be kinky, or who and what is kinky, and that perhaps I should do so.
The dictionary definition, according to Merriam-Webster is
2: relating to, having, or appealing to unconventional tastes especially in sex; also : sexually deviant
I’d say that this is somewhat in-line with my own personal definition of kinky. I do consider myself kinky- I enjoy and am aroused by things which are not conventionally considered sex or sexual. I go farther than the furry handcuffs and the little slap and tickle which is socially acceptable to portray in sitcoms on television. I have fantasies which I would some day like to enact that would have my therapist squirm. I like to watch. I like to be watched. I like to be scared and to transmute pain into pleasure. I enjoy many facets of BDSM. I’d say that I am most definitely kinky.
What Crista mentions in her post about others placing the mantle of kinky on her brings up a good point. When someone enjoys sex toys, is kink-aware and kink-accepting, does this make them kinky? By today’s standards I’d say no, but that may be because I spend my time with a lot of REALLY kinky people. I look at it much as I look at the progression of envelope-pushing in present day pornography. Go back ten-twenty years and someone who engaged in anal sex was considered kinky. Buttsecks was the envelope-push in mainstream porn. Now? It’s pretty much a given that it’ll be in most videos, even if they aren’t butt themed.
As our society progresses (well, in certain parts of the country at least) what is considered out of the ordinary and thus kinky changes. There was a time when talking openly about liking and using toys would fall under my definition of kinky, but today? It’s sex-positive, it’s sexy, and it’s awesomepants, but is it kinky? Notsomuch, at least in my book.
You’ll note that the official definition from Merriam-Webster says “especially”, not “explicitly”. I’m also talking about *myself* here. I’m talking about being labeled/identifying as kinky, me- Lorax, not anyone else. And since I’m not asexual it stands to logic that no, my definition *for myself* might not mesh with asexual folks. Because it’s not about them, it’s about me.
I have difficulties with the label ‘kinky’ applied to myself. But that is because I struggle to accept that not everyone enjoys D/s sex.